hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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