her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
