He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
whose ass print is on the piano?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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