He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
