I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
