I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
