did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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