The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
