Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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