I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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