your room smells of hookers.
And success
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
