Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
