im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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