yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
