And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
