So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
