If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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