I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
