dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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