I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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