remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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