All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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