he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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