Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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