I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
