that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
