OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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