Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
