The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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