Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
