someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
