i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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