Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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