I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
