i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
