Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
