I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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