My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
