And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
