I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize