My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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