Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
