You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
