Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
