Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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