im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
