My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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