Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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