she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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