Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
