You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
