Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
