Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
