So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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