so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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