This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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