also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
