Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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