1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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