you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
