I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
