ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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