dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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