Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
