I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
