oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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